Archive for June, 2008

Jess and Derek’s not-so-secret, goatless, send-off


Place: Central Park.
Date: July 19th.
Time: whenever.
We’ll be there all day (~10 am til about 7 PM).
Why? We’re leaving you for Nairobi.

This is where things will go down:

1. Find your way to Central Park West and 77th street, around where the Natural History Museum is. There’s a B or C subway stop nearby. There’s a gate into central park at this intersection. It’s actually called the Naturalist’s Gate if you bother to read the plaque.

77th and central park west

2. Walk through this stoney Naturalists Gate. You’ll be walking across a bridge. If you look to your left, you might see us under this distant tree in the shady grass:


3. If you yell something about a goat, you might get our attention. But you’re not there yet. Keep walking across the bridge and veer left down a smaller path. You’ll pass between these pillars:

pillars of Nairobi

4. These are the pillars of Nairobi. You must leave behind all negative thoughts of NYC before passing through. Only happy reminiscings of Gotham will be shared on the other side of these pillars… NOT! After the pillars you’ll go down a steep path. This hill sucks at the end of a long run. You’ll see a bridge at the bottom of the hill. You’ll be tempted to cross this bridge as it is very quaint. This is actually my favorite spot in all of the park. There’s a creek running under the bridge, and a tree on the other side that is fun to climb. But I repeat: do not cross the bridge. Stay left. Continue on. When you emerge from the thicket, you’ll see a patch of grass on your right. And a big shady tree. We’ll be under this tree or somewhere nearby.

where we\'ll be

5. In the picture above there’s people hanging out under the tree. That’s probably what we will look like. If we’re not there and it’s raining, then look to your left. Maybe we are trolls hiding under this bridge. If it is not raining and you are going under this bridge then you are lost. Turn back.

Maybe we’ll be hiding or lurking around elsewhere nearby, who knows. We wouldn’t want to make it too easy to find us. If you need a hint, then call 646-322-2141. If we haven’t disconnected our phones by then.

Oh, it’s a potluck. Bring whatever snacks you enjoy. And it’s BYOB at your own discretion. Technically it’s unlawful to drink alcohol in the park, but we’re not telling. And BYO soccer balls, frisbees, juggling torches, unicycles, etc. Please do not wear a unitard. There will be no goats at this event, unless you happen to bring one, in which case you will be loved as much as the goat. Please bring your dog though, we can pretend it’s a goat. If you bring your cat there’s cool trees for it to climb around in nearby. Most importantly, just bring your self. Hope to see you there!

Goatly Liquidation Part 2: Fondue Pot Belly Trimmer and more



The saga continues… we’ve got ridden rid of quite a bit of stuff and lowered prices from our previous Goat Rodeo sale, and we dug deeper into our closets and shelves to find more junk. Even those great books that you want to keep, what’s the point unless it’s a reference book or first edition? All this stuff is better off passed along and being used than rusting away in a storage unit in Tijeras, New Mexico. So here’s some more stuff to add to the our-nyc-lives-for-sale-so-we-can-start-a-new-one-in-Africa sale…

31. Cuisinart fondue set, $30. We’ll send you some goat cheese from our pending Kenyan goat named Sancho to try goat cheese fondue if you buy it:

Fondue set

32. Creme Brulee Torch, $10. (You can use it for more than creme brulee, I’m sure it would be a great implement of torture…). And we’ll vouch that it’s great for roasting poblanos.

Creme Brulee torch

33. “Premium” books, the ones we dug deeper for and are keen to get rid of only for a good price ($3-$5, with postage if applicable): [NOTE: MOST OF THESE ARE GONE]


There’s more I didn’t get in the picture like Yannick Murphy (Here they Come), William Saroyan (… Trapeze), Robert Penrose (Emperor’s New Mind), James Joyce (Dubliners), John Kennedy Toole (Confederacy of Dunces), etc. Funny thing is we had the books stacked against the wall and heard a crash in the middle of last night. I came out to see what happened and the books were all over the floor, and OBERIU was an absurd distance away from the others, like 20 feet, that defied physics..

34. For all of you itching to start a small press, this Belly Trimmer is a key ingredient. I’m not sure belly trimmer is the right word for it, but that’s what I call it. It’s a fancy paper cutter (guillotine style, not swing arm) I use to crop the edges of chapbooks, or any stacks of paper you want to cut/crop. They are not easy to come by. By me selling it means I will never make another chapbook again, which is about as liberating as off-loading this unwieldly beast. Am I doing a good job of selling it? It’s yours for $100:

Belly Trimmer

35. Is it taboo to sell a used Cuisinart? We didn’t do anything too kinky with it, just a lot of tomatillo salsa. $20. Suckers are expensive new.


36. Nifty little shallow shelf I forgot about first time around, $20. Q-tips and Tampax not included.

37. Weber BBQ. $20 with lighter fluid and charcoal and whatever monkfish remnants are clinging to the grill.

38. Mixer. $10. Might not be as cool-looking as the cover of Gary Lutz’ Stories in the Worst Way, which will soon be in the Calamari Press catalog, but electric is a bit more practical:

39. Knives! Make us an offer.


40. Okay, this is where things start to get rather granular and random and you’re best off just coming to our sidewalk sale on July 5th (15 W. 74th Street, 9 am to 6 PM) to rummage real-world like. But here’s some of the assorted items for sale at the risk of being expository (yes, that’s a soldering iron in the first picture, used to solder BC/AD).

Everything must go! If we could sell the kitchen sink we would!

Contact us by email or 917.306.8259 to arrange to come by to check out/pick up, or to have stuff shipped, etc. or wait til the sidewalk sale on July 5th if you want to risk coveted items disappearing before then.

Goat Rodeo Kick-off Sale: books, CDs, furniture and more…



Before we can move to Nairobi, we need to off-load excess stuff. If we lived anywhere else, we’d have a garage or yard sale, but alas, in NYC the only option is a sidewalk sale (we don’t even have a stoop). This sidewalk sale will take place (in the real world) on July 5th (9 a.m. to 6 p.m.) at or around 15 W. 74th St. Apt 8a, between Central Park West and Columbus, in the shadow of the San Remo. In the meantime though, if you see anything you like just contact us and if it’s small enough we can send it to you, or if it’s big enough, then we can arrange to show it if you can pick it up.

All proceeds from this Goat Rodeo liquidation go to supporting our goatly cause, which is to say it will support our relocation to Nairobi where Jess will be working for the Millennium Villages project and Derek will continue to run Calamari Press and Sleepingfish, perhaps with African gusto, and probably continuing to work for the villages project in some capacity. And of course it will go towards raising our goat Sancho. If you make a significant purchase, we will give you updates on the goat you helped to finance, perhaps even goat cheese, though we actually can’t promise we will have a physical goat. It’s more the idea of a goat that drives us.

With out further ado, here’s what we are getting rid of that hopefully you can find a home for. It’s basically all of our wordly possessions we have accrued since living in NYC. All prices are negotiable and we will consider any offer. Things are available til they’re gone, we’ll hold things for you while arranging pick-up, but otherwise please don’t ask us to hold things just because you think you might want it. A good starting point is this video walk-though of our apartment showing what we are selling:

1. Captain’s Bed (full, w/ 4 drawers two on either side). $150 or b.o. Like almost all the furniture here, we got it at Gothic Cabinet Craft. They rock. We are not leaving til end of July, but you can take the bed now if you want, and we’ll just sleep on the floor. I’m assuming you don’t want the mattress. That’s kind of gross:

2. Flimsy bookshelf. Ceramic jaguar not included. Hell, we found it on the sidewalk somewhere, we’ll give it back for free to whoever wants it:

3. Narrow-smaller bookshelf. $30:

4. This one’s a bit bigger and nicer, lets say it’s $40 to not confuse with the others:

7. Various sporting items: tennis rackets ($20 $10 each), yoga mats (ok, gross enough to have for free), barbell weights ($20 for the set of them).

9. Sony 16″ TV. It’s not flat-screen, but it works and it’s only $30 $20:

12. Tall CD Rack. $25. Just the rack. I’ll get to the CDs later.

15. 5-piece pub-style Dining Set, $200 $180:

16. An 18″ ViewSonic flat-screen monitor, $40 $30.

17. Studio Day Sofas. Ends fold down to form comfy futon bed. We have two ONE of them left, $200 $150 each. Also comes with extra covers so you can have them olive-gray or white, or mixed:

19. Small Desk with drawers. Big enough for a Jess. $50 $40.

20. Bar desk, it’s technically a bar, but I use it as a stand up desk. The top came off and it’s not supposed to, it’s just setting on top. You could nail it back on if you set your mind to it. The other side is bookshelves. $50 $40, w/backed-barstool:

21. HP 1012 printer. $20 $15. It has served me well, had it since the beginning of Calamari Press.

22. HP 2600N, color laserjet tower printer, $50 $40. Sorry the photo is upside-down, not sure how that happened. It’s pretty new, I’ve had it less than a year.

23. TV stand with built-in DVD/CD rack, $30 $25.

27. Sharp Microwave, $40:

28. Krupps coffeemaker ($10), blender and toaster. Obviously we can’t part with coffeemaker til the day we leave:

29. This is where things start to get good. CDs. Lots of them. [NOTE: MORE THAN 1/2 ARE GONE, ASK ME AND I CAN CHECK]. $2 each, at least ’til the good ones are gone. These and the books are available through mail if you paypal me at this address. Add $1 each postage if so, at least for the first 2-3. We’ll make you a deal if you buy a lot.

30. And last but not least, books. These are hard to say, the smaller cheap books $1, if they’re bigger or hardback or art books, than $3 or $5. No reasonable offer refused, especially the more you buy. Again, these are available by paypal (to this address) Add $1 or $2 for each book depending on how big they are. And don’t be offended if you see your book in here. I don’t keep books in general, I think it means a lot more to pass them on than have then sit in storage or on someone’s shelf. And also, the top book “Phaic Tan” is like the funniest book ever. [NOTE: MORE THAN 2/3 OF THE BOOKS ARE GONE, ASK ME IF THERE ARE ANY IN PARTICULAR YOU WANT]

There will be more stuff than I can mention here at the physical sidewalk sale. Basically we’re selling every thing that isn’t digital or that we won’t wear on our backs in Africa. I will also have Calamari Press books there for sale at a discount, including the new Sleepingfish ($10) and my forthcoming book Marsupial (free to anyone that shows up and says “Goat Rodeo”). Again the sidewalk sale is on July 5th, 9 am to 6 PM at 15 W. 74th St. Apt 8a. If you get lost or want to arrange to pick something up, call us 917.306.8259.

welcome to the jungle


Not sure what I’ll be doing with this. We need to get some goats first. For now check out Maybe this will be our blog in Nairobi, though I like My Life in the Bush of Ghosts better.